Never Let me Go
by LovePeaceEquality20
Summary: On the last weekend of her winter break, Santana agrees to go on a road trip with Brittany to work on their friendship. But can they ever really just be friends?


Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or its' characters. This is purely for fun.

Author's note: This is just a little story I came up with. Santana is home for her winter break. Her plan is to completely avoid Brittany but somehow she ends up agreeing to go on a weekend trip with her. Fun and angst ensues! It will probably be a few chapters or so maybe longer if there is interest. Please read and review. It is the only way I know if you guys like it or not. Thanks!

I'm _not really sure _why I thought this was a good idea. I mean going on a weekend trip with your best friend turned girlfriend turned whatever the hell is not really a brilliant plan. But as I pull up outside of Brittany's house- I know there really isn't any turning back now. She had called last weekend seemingly just to talk but I could recognize the sadness in her voice when I told her that I didn't think I could see her during the rest of my winter break. Making up some excuse about family monopolizing all of my time or whatever, I lamented that I was just too busy. She had to know that was total crap because realistically I'd give up anything to see her and I'd always make time to be with her especially when only 5 miles separated us instead of hundreds. But I couldn't tell her the real reason why avoidance seemed like the best tactic. It took all of 5 minutes of being back in Lima to find out that Sam and Brittany were dating and it took all of a second for that news to completely crush me.

_I walked through the foyer of my house two days before Christmas. Finals were over and I had a whole month of no classes. Setting my bags down on the marble tile quickly I embraced my mom who looked as though she hadn't seen me in a thousand years. "Oh Mija, you look so different, so grown up". I had to chuckle at this because really how different could I look in just a month? As I made my way through the kitchen for a much needed glass of water I couldn't help but feel my mother's gaze on my back. Turning to her the mix of sadness, worry and something else I couldn't quite place, had me baffled.

"What?"

"It's just you're so calm…"

Okay now I was really confused "Why should I be upset about something?"

My mom looked truly worried "Well it's just Brittany is dating that Sam Evans boy…and I didn't expect you to take it so well." The glass in my hand was plastic and that was all I felt I could be thankful for in the moment as it haphazardly dropped to the floor. Stunned I could only look on as the liquid freely poured out over my mother's expensive rug. It felt like that day in the choir room, or that time by our lockers all over again. My stomach was literally at my feet as my heart lurched and tugged in the most painful way. Barely able to form words I could only mutter a simple" I didn't know".

I made my way up to my childhood room and cried for hours. I was planning to text Brittany as soon as I got in because I _missed_ her but I just couldn't talk to her. So for the next few weeks I avoided her studiously. Quinn and I hung out quite a bit. Really as long as it was anyone but Brittany it was fine. I even found myself clinging to Rachel Berry's side at a house party just to pretend I wasn't totally going mental watching Sam Evans with Brittany. Watching Sam touch her arm, her back, and her hand was torture in the purest form. To Brittany's credit she tried on multiple occasions to get me to talk to her, hell she probably just wanted me to look her in the eye. But I couldn't. I know I was cold. And to be honest I was ashamed. I'm not totally unaware I know that realistically I did this to myself, I let her go. Hell I practically pushed her into the arms of someone else. And now she is with that someone just like I told her she could be and I can't even be woman enough to be happy for her.

So after 2 weeks of avoidance, even staying in on New Year's watching the ball drop by myself, I wasn't too surprised to see Brittany's name flash across my screen. She'd called and texted about a hundred times. But this time I decided I was ready to answer. Lying on my bed staring up at the cheap plastic stars that she insisted we put up when we were only thirteen I say a shaky hello. "Hey Santana" she replies and to be honest it breaks my heart that she uses my full name. No baby or babe or even san just Santana. The silence is rapidly becoming awkward "So how are you?" I laugh mirthly at this "You called just to ask that?" "Well…um yea…I mean no." Sighing heavily she continues" It's just I know you're going back to Louisville soon and we haven't talked much, or seen each other and I know it not your fault. It's mine. I just _Miss you_ Santana." Instantly the guilt settles in the pit of my stomach because she is blaming herself for the fact that I have completely avoided her. "No it's not your fault Brittany it's mine I have just been really busy, and you've been busy with…" I find that I can't even bare to utter the name "With Sam" she supplies. "Right" I can feel the sinking sensation begin and I feel suddenly like my bed is quicksand ready to engulf me in sweet misery.

Her voice is much thicker then and I can't help but notice" Can I see you?" God I want so badly to just say yes. " Um I don't think so I'm just really busy and I only have about a week of break before I have to go back to campus" I trail of off because really I know she can tell I'm lying, years of being someone's everything makes you attuned to these things. "Santana, can I tell you something?" I shake my head slowly before realizing she can't see me "Of course".

"I thought we would always be friends. That no matter what it would be me and you. And I could call you and tell you about my day. We could meet for coffee and go Christmas shopping together. We could laugh and have fun. And it wouldn't feel like my insides were churning and my heart was being ripped out every time I saw you. But that is kind of how it feels now. Because you won't talk to me or look at me. I don't even know your favorite song right now or how your classes went. You could have a new best friend or something and I wouldn't even know."

"Kind of like I didn't know you had a new boyfriend?" Sitting up and resting my head against my headboard I can't help but cringe at my own words.

"That is harsh San".

"Why didn't you tell me?" My voice sounds a bit like an Adele song. Tragic.

"Because I knew it would hurt".

"Me or you?"

"Both." The pause then feels like it stretches for hours. My heart is pounding and I can feel the dampness on my cheeks.

"I know you said that we couldn't try to be in a relationship. But please can we try to be friends? For me?" Silent. I can only be silent for fear that the tears streaming down my face will be apparent in my words.

After a full minute of just listening to my breath, she relents" Okay, I guess…I'll let you go". Let me go? Let me go? Why does it feel like so much more is ending than just this phone call?

I give in "Uh wait Brittany" taking a breath "My favorite song is Catch My Breath and my classes were fine I got straight A's. It was just all kind of boring".

I swear I can hear her smile through the phone "You always did have a thing for Kelly Clarkson" she laughs.

"Yea".

"Go somewhere with me?"

My heart races "What like now?"

"Not like now but this weekend?" My breath kind of feels like it's stolen in this moment. She wants to go somewhere with me.

"I don't know maybe we can go see that big metal thing in Missouri?" She asks and I can't help but laugh.

"The arch? That is kind of faraway we'd have to stay for a few days."

"Good." Is all she replies.

"What about Sam? Won't he care?"

"No I mean we're just friends." I wish so much that she was talking about her and Sam. But I know she wasn't. She was talking about us.

"Right".

"Come on San. Please say yes?" I can just picture the adorable pout that has formed on her lips. I'm powerless against it.

"Okay."

Our phone conversation ended not too long after that. When someone, god only knows who, beeped through her line. Fuck. How did I go from complete avoidance to sharing a car and then a hotel room for three days? But I owe it to her to try to be friends. I guess that I owe it to myself.


End file.
